Today In The Premiership...

• Watford 1-1 Man City. We start at the bottom today, and the team sinking even below the bottom. Watford sealed their departure from the Premiership today by failing to beat Manchester City, and they'll spend next season back in the Championship. They needed the full three points today, and would've gotten it, had goalie Ben Foster not forgotten which team Darius Vassell played for. We bid farewall to Watford, the only team in professional sports whose players dress more like McDonalds employees than even the Atlanta Hawks.

• West Ham 1-0 Everton. The Hammers, meanwhile, earned a crucial three points in their own battle to stay in the Premiership. Their upset win today puts them at 32 points, but they still need to catch Sheffield United and Wigan at 35. They play Wigan a week from today... and not to point out the obvious, but the relegation system is a fantastic way to make late-season games between terrible teams interesting.

• Manchester United 1-1 Middlesbrough. We've got a little tension at Old Trafford. It's currently tied at 1-all, Manchester United's hands wrapped firmly around their own throats, with fewer than 10 minutes to play. They're putting on some pressure, but if they fail to get a go-ahead here in the next few minutes, Chelsea will have the opportunity to close their lead to just a point tomorrow when they take on Newcastle.