This Man Is An Elite Athlete

Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to tips@deadspin.com. Subject: Morning crap.

Say hello to Bartolo Colon, elite athlete. He has already eaten your soul, and is hungry for more. This is what happens when the only tips sitting in my inbox are A-Rod stories, Nigerian scam letters, and this gem from The Sports Hernia. You have no one to blame but yourself.

I can't get over the fact that this man has made over $70 million in his career. I've got a double chin and several days' worth of stubble too, and here I am stuck making dick jokes for you ungrateful SOBs. Life isn't fair. So...sit back, relax, and strap it down. Let's have some fun.

Oh, and send me your tips, or the horrors continue.

PS: Speaking of the White Sox, go buy your Pants Party ticket today if you haven't already. MLB Photo Artistry Day Continues [The Sports Hernia]