Take This Grass, Or Kevin Brown Will Shoot You Where You Stand

Remember Kevin Brown? Awesome for the Marlins, injured for the Dodgers, pissy for the Yankees, kind of a dumb hot-headed Hoosier type? Of course you do. Good ole Kevin Brown.

Well, now that he's retired and filthy stinking rich, he's living high off the hog, ooh-wee, in Macon, Georgia. And apparently he's threatening his neighbors with weaponry.

[Brown's neighbor Michael] Haws said he called the sheriff's office after a loud argument that began when he found Brown throwing grass clippings over the fence into Haws' yard on Breighton Court, which backs up to Brown's multimillion-dollar estate on Brown's Ridge. When Haws confronted Brown, the two men argued and Brown pulled out a gun and told Haws he'd better not come onto Brown's property, the report stated.

OK, first off, the idea of Kevin Brown throwing grass clippings onto his neighbor's lawn is hysterical. ("Get your own goddamned mulch, Haws!") But we love the reason Brown gave for carrying a gun on his person: "He carries a gun while strolling through the woods because he often sees snakes." All righty then. Now we know what to do if we ever see Kevin Brown, uh, anywhere. Particularly a place with trees.

Retired Pitcher In Turf Battle [Macon Telegraph]