Silvio Berlusconi To AC Milan's Players: Stop Sucking Or I Won't Pay You

Libidinous tangerine peel, AC Milan owner, and proto-Trump Silvio Berlusconi is mad. The media magnate has owned Milan for a few decades now, but never before has he had to suffer through such a drab spell of mediocrity. Talking to the players ahead of the biggest match of the season, Berlusconi made clear that if they don’t make him happy soon, he’ll make sure nobody’s happy.

Milan just concluded another poor Serie A season in which they finished outside both the Champions League and Europa League qualifying places. They have, however, made it to this weekend’s Coppa Italia final against Juventus.

A win—as unlikely as it is, since Juve are one of the best teams in the world—would be big. Not only would the club earn a nice trophy, they would also earn a spot in next season’s Europa League. For those reasons, as well as reports that Berlusconi is close to selling Milan to Chinese investors who would probably have to write a bigger check for a team competing in Europe, there is a lot riding on the outcome of this final.

To drive home just how serious Berlusconi is about expecting improvements, and just how few fucks he gives about things like employment law, he met with the team and gave them a stern “pep talk.” From Football Italia:

“We cannot keep being embarrassing,” Berlusconi told the squad after lunch with the club sponsors in a video aired on Sky Sport Italia.

“These gentlemen here are the ones who allow you to make a living. They told me if you keep playing like this, they won’t give us any more money.

“In that case, I’ll get the money from you, or rather I won’t pay you. You can try suing me. Do you know how long a civil court case usually takes in Italy? About eight years…”

Berlusconi is intimately familiar with both the criminal and civil sides of the Italian legal system, and has demonstrated a knack for coming out relatively scot-free. He was probably exaggerating for effect here, but if I were one of those players, I wouldn’t want to call his bluff.

[ Football Italia]