No, YOU'RE Don Francisco's Sister!
Isn't all mankind ultimately executed for a crime it never committed? The difference is that all men go eventually, but we go at six o'clock tomorrow morning. We were supposed to go at five o'clock, but we have a smart lawyer. Got leniency.
Oh, we just goosed that lady!
The question: Have we learned anything about life? Only that human being are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun. The important thing, we think, is not to be bitter... if it turns out that there is a God, we don't think that he's evil. We think that the worst you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. After all, there are worse things in life than death. If you've ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you know what we're talking about. The key is, to not think of death as an end, but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses. Regarding love ... what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, we would definitely look into. Well, that's about it for us folks. Goodbye.
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• Circuit City • Fox Soccer Channel • Ali G DVD • SV Supreme Vodka
In honor of The Man's 71st birthday today. We find this to be His funniest film.
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