Newsday, Like Twitter Users, Simply Cannot Tell Brian Kelly And Chip Kelly Apart

Two college football coaches, both named Kelly. Chip has just completed a marvelous season marred only by the fact that his Oregon Ducks did not get to compete for a national championship and stand to finish third or perhaps second in the final polls. Brian has one of the two teams playing for the national title in a couple of days and logically does not have time to do much other than try and figure out how to beat Alabama. Chip this week has been talking with the Cleveland Browns, an alleged NFL team. Brian this week has been coaching his ass off for Notre Dame and would be kind of an idiot for even acknowledging the existence of an NFL.

Yet because both men are named Kelly, and because reading comprehension is a dying art in America, sort of like gandy dancing or diagnosing scurvy or running minstrel shows, people have been presuming that the coach whose life's work is approaching its apex is also letting the Browns caress the inside of his thigh. Twitter, a toast: Without you, we'd merely have to speculate as to the mental acuity of the common clod.

Oh, and Newsday ran the headline "Brian Kelly, Browns close" right above a story reporting that "the Cleveland Browns are close to a deal with Oregon's Chip Kelly to become their next coach."