Like A Blind Man At An Orgy, We Were Going To Have To Feel Our Way Through

We like our sex the way we play basketball: one on one with as little dribbling as possible.

Tanya's the same. Milky, creamy skin, pouting red lips, firm buttocks, ample breasts, ears you want to stick your tongue into. Ma, please. We're gonna get guy cramps if you keep this up.

If you think that's Phil Donahue throwing up into a tuba, then you're ready to be a Deadspin advertiser. Click here to find out how.

(Movie quotes from the only time we've ever even had a modicum of interaction with Anna Nicole Smith.)

• Old Spice • P.C. Richard And Son • CNBC Million Dollar Portfolio • SV Supreme Vodka • Verizon

Oh, and also there's that a survey again this week you can take. We're told you have a chance to win a $300 JetBlue gift card by sending an email to surveys@gawker.com with your name and what the last question in the survey asks. We have no idea what any of that means, but that's what they tell us.