Last-minute Halloween costumes for the sports fan

Halloween isn’t just a time to wear spooky costumes, but to mock sports figures as well. Here are some hypothetical Halloween package ideas that cut below the surface. Some of these costume concepts are more polarizing than others as well, so if you’re looking to evoke a reaction, these are for you. Halloween can be a bit of a team sport as well, so you may need to draft a friend or two into rolling along with it. If you’ve got the personnel to coordinate Halloween fits, these hypothetical costumes might be for you.

The Brady and Gisele combo package is half off right now. Inside you’ll find fake stubble, broken electronics, divorce papers, and only 3.5 rings. I’m assuming Gisele has the other 3.5. There’s also an accompanying portrait of Dorian Gray, that you’re advised never to stare at. Find someone rocking a Gronk jersey, down a few Red Bulls and Vodka, and forget your troubles — at least for one night.

Get meta this year by pretending to be the ultimate political pretender this Halloween. Complete with a fake Sheriff’s badge, a polygraph test for either arm, a dumbbell set for the other arm, and two red caps. One is MAGA issued, and the other reps UGA brand. It’s the perfect costume if you have kids you want to ignore for the evening or longer.

It’s a bit of a throwback, but with the Houston Astros gunning for another World Series title, what better way to honor them than by donning the Altuve Complete Set, including an Astros jersey, a wire, a trash can to bang on, and an oversized bat too big for your body.

The entire packet features an official NBA courtside seat, Nets warmups, a prop Wilson basketball, and, most dangerously, a bag of bricks. Be careful when stuffing the bricks inside of the prop basketball. Remember, the basketball is merely a prop. Do not attempt to shoot with it. It’s extremely dangerous for those around you. Simmons only shoots his shot at celebs off the court. It comes with a companion socialite costume.

This is another duo costume concept, but Ciara and Russ costumes are played out. You’ll just need to rent your own hayride, do high knees around the neighborhood, and bring along a physical trainer to help you stretch. Once you’re done with the exertion that comes from being Russell Wilson all night, a fanny pack velcroed to the Broncos uniform is stuffed with ingredients including pepperoni, salami, black forest ham, banana peppers, yellow mustard, mayo, provolone cheese, bacon, and Italian Herbs and Cheese bread to make your very own Dangerwich.

The Brett Favre pack hasn’t been updated in about a decade. The Packers jersey and helmet you would have found in 2007 have been replaced by a gold jacket, gray beard dye, and Wranglers. Accessories include a subpoena and cutouts of text message exchanges to the Governor. There’s even a detailed replica of Southern Miss’ volleyball arena to show off.

My friend and I opened the NFL official pack expecting striped side judge, back judge, and down judge uniforms. Instead, there was only one referee’s outfit inside. Curiously, it appears the manufacturer accidentally stuffed our costume package with a golf scorecard, pens, golf clubs, and a Mike Evans replica jersey.

The Jordan Poole-Draymond Green set features a pair of Warriors jerseys and a TMZ cameraman costume for a third person. As an added bonus, there’s black and blue face paint to cover the eye of whoever rocks the Poole jersey.