Haunted Floating Bat Stalks Manny In Return

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Well, that was a quick 50 games. Manny Ramirez returned from his summer vacation last night, going 0 for 3 with a walk in a 6-3 L.A. win over San Diego. None of his MLB-leading Dodger teammates could be reached for comment, however, as they were all too busy cramming fertility drugs in his celebratory champagne.

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Good morning, and Happy July 4th. We've got Wimbledon! We've got Tiger! And...um...hopefully some late-breaking athlete-related fireworks mishaps!

Wake up, boys and girls in America.