God Loves You Just The Way You Are. But He Loves You Too Much To Let You Stay That Way

We wonder what she looks like. We bet she's skinny. She probably is. She's skinnier than us and prettier too. Now we'll hate her. Oh, we can't wait!

If you're glad to be the hell out of there, then you're ready to be a Deadspin advertiser. Click here to find out how.

• Old Spice • P.C. Richard And Son

Oh, and also there's a a survey this week you can take. We're told you have a chance to win a $300 JetBlue gift card by sending an email to surveys@gawker.com with your name and what the last question in the survey asks. We have no idea what any of that means, but that's what they tell us.