Brian Urlacher Deplenished Of $100 Grand Worth Of Fluid

OK, so we'll say it: We don't find Gatorade the slightest bit replenishing. We think it mostly tastes like urine distilled through a coffee machine, but that's less to the point; when we work out, the last thing we want is a sugary thick beverage. We're working out to lose calories; why would we want to pile more on while we trying to rid ourselves of them? (Note: That was a rather effete sentence for a sports blogger to write. Sorry.) We might as well drink Yoo-Hoo. Folks: There's no magic formula Gatorade has discovered that just delivers you more energy. The only magic formula they've discovered is how to market the shit out of your product. People: Just drink water. It's good for you.

Well, you should drink water as long as you're not employed by the NFL.

Bears LB Brian Urlacher has hit the fine board for a cool $100 Gs, and it's apparently all over a goddamned drink and a cap. Urlacher was fined for drinking vitaminwater and wearing a vitaminwater hat during the media session in Miami leading to the title game. Gatorade is the NFL's official drink.

We're not going to get too indignant about this, considering Urlacher was surely promoting his own product and knew exactly what he was doing. But 100 grand? You know that rookie orientation seminar the NFL has ever year? We always thought it existed to help guide players through the potential minefield of off-field issues in the NFL. We now know it's just to make sure they know which products are acceptable. Wait ... which is the official erectile dysfunction pill of the NFL again? We want to make sure we have this right.

NFL Will Tell You What To Wear, And When [Signal To Noise]