Ben Affleck Wants To Brainwash Your Baby

Anyone who has seen Daredevil — or anything, really — knows that a new Ben Affleck video is cause for genuine concern. But this news is even more terrible than you might imagine; it seems that the rabid Red Sox enthusiast is after your baby.

Ben Affleck has signed on to narrate a quirky new Boston Red Sox DVD aimed at turning young children into die-hard fans. RED SOX BABY: RAISING TOMORROW'S BOSTON RED SOX FAN TODAY is an educational film, which also prepares infants and pre-school children to become Red Sox fans. The sports-centered children's DVD series features Red Sox footage, graphics and merchandise to help teach counting, spelling, shape and colour recognition.

Crawl away, babies! Crawl with all your might! As troubling as all of this is, what they're not telling you is that, for some reason, Steinbrenner's in a Yankees video as well. Poor, poor babies; learning to count from a guy who signed Carl Pavano.

Actually, the baseball movie we'd love to see starring Affleck would be The Steve Bartman Story. Get to work on that, Kevin Smith.

Affleck To Star In Baseball Video For Babies [Contact Music] Kids' DVD A Homer For Affleck [The Boston Globe] Affleck Runs Afoul Of Fans [SFGate]