All The Ways We've Described Rob Gronkowski In 2015

Rob Gronkowski, who will bleed Grey Goose if you cut him, had quite a year. After the Patriots won the Super Bowl, Gronk was shirtless, twerking, and shirtless while twerking. Here are all the things we’ve called the tight end while chronicling his exploits:

Walking Bacardi handle

Pass-catching bicep

Walking beer pong tournament

Human cloud of hookah smoke

...who wasn’t born so much as fermented in a vessel for two months

Self-aware lump of protein powder

Muscle-bound toddler

The answer to the question “What if an EDM track somehow learned how to play football?”

Enormous highlighter

A bottle of Muscle Milk come to life

Cheerful ogre

Beer golem

Gregarious tricep

Enchanted beer bong

Perspiring colossus

Perpetual air-humping machine

Human Jock Jam

Alcohol enthusiast

Photo: AP

Contact the author at samer@deadspin.com.